P.s. Without and guidance or discipline in my life as with many others, the principals I learned from dedication to basketball saved my life and I pay that forward.
#DearKobe
What Do You Want Out of Your Life and What Brings You Fulfillment? Do You Think Bigger Picture?
A simple question; Including what you want to accomplish today, what is it that you want? Personally, professionally, mentally, emotionally, growth, hobbies… Things of that nature. Does what you are doing in your spare time bring you fulfillment? Whether it’s out partying on the weekends or hiking in nature, does it add value to your life or are you hiding? This simple question came up when talking with someone I care about and the fact that it hadn’t been discussed.
Simply put, I want to embrace my inner child and become an explosion of creativity. Walking away from basketball, an aspect of my life that has served me in many facets over the years, was the best decision I have made in a long time and to be quite frank, it was necessary (*spoiler alert, I’ve made some bad decisions in the past year). Much of my identity was wrapped up in that aspect of my life and I used basketball as a crutch and safety tool of familiarity. Even though I accomplished other things in my life thus far, I used basketballas a talking point and identity when in reality I am much more than that. Do you have a “crutch” or “identifier” that you may be holding on to for safety?
I will be the first to admit that it is quite scary to shed that “identifier” but I realized that I want to grow much more in many other fashions. Beginning from within! A few months ago I finally found something that works for me and addresses the roots, not the symptoms. In any case, the feeling of starting completely over can be scary. Not just starting over professionally, but starting over personally, and what feels like every aspect of life. Like a newborn that only knows the womb and then all of a sudden, your first breath of air is taken, your lungs pop open, surfactant is produced, and now you’re breathing on yourown (in most cases), it has been a jolting experience. Except, metaphorically starting that fresh in your 30’s provides a variety of feelings that you are immediately able to interpret. Only this time, the “inner child” will be nurtured not to go into hiding by “reparenting myself with gentleness, humor, love, and respect“. Since I began this journey, I haverekindled my relationship with my mother and my wonderful nieces (Myhaj, Diamond, and Eunique) with a much different perspective, being proud to say I am genuinely happy to be in their lives (rather than isolating).
Understanding that I am just scratching the surface of this iceberg, I have made a list of things I want to learn and have fun with that stimulate the other side of my brain. I am going hiking regularly and will begin going camping soon. I have been interested in photography for several years and am now actively learning more about it. I am learning to play the Ukelele. I am finishing the illustrations for the nursing guide that I wrote a few years ago, and I have began reading for pleasure again (I didn’t want to read anything for a long time after going through endless amounts of material to obtain a Master’s Degree in Business Administration (MBA)).
So here I am, taking a risk by leaping, free falling, and hoping to learn to fly on the way down!
What is it that you may have been reluctant to take a risk on and leap?
The Moment I Got My Life Back
With this article, I hope to help anybody that has gone through a similar situation or knows someone that is going through it. Please share this article as it may help someone.
Very early yesterday morning I went on a beautiful hike at Red Rock Canyon. Within the silence along the hike something came over me that I am unable to pinpoint at this time, but it had to do with a beautiful feeling.
A few months ago I picked a few books to read that I felt would enhance my personal growth and go deeper within myself. I have been open to growth as I am seeking a deeper meaning and life bigger than myself. I obviously didn’t know the content that I was about to embark on would open me up to something much bigger than myself and prepare me in such a matter that I am beyond thankful for. Two books that greatly impacted my life and I want to express gratitude for are; “The Mastery of Love” by Miguel Ruiz, and “Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes (the creator of Grey’s Anatomy and several other ABC shows.)
There I am trying something new by going to a spin class. I’ve been interested in spinning for quite some time but didn’t go to any classes along with several other things I didn’t do because I didn’t do much. About 15 minutes into the class I’m already pouring sweat. I challenge myself not to wipe the sweat and instead, note every sensation that I was feeling. Comfortable and uncomfortable. I can do this!
Then, the song that broke me down came on. When I first hear the intro I get excited because I like this song. For whatever reason, within the first few words I am locked in on another level. I’m focused on the lyrics to Avicii’s song “Wake me up” and I am pedaling my butt off. I’m standing up while pedaling and then all of a sudden BOOM!
Tears pouring down my face, exhaling the years of pain as I can literally feel the lyrics to this song. “All this time I was finding myself, and I didn’t know I was lost!” That is an amazing song that I definitely recommend listening to.Those simple words along with the books I mentioned and losing someone has completely changed my outlook on life.
(Here is my golden nugget of wisdom)
I went through life focused on what I could achieve, my next accomplishment, what can I do next to find success and be happy… almost to a degree of subconscious selfishness. The idiotic / insane part is that I didn’t catch on to it earlier on, seeing that it led to “If only this, then I would be happy” and I was chasing happiness rather than looking within myself. I wasn’t able to internalize it.
You see, like many others, I sought happiness in the things that I did and accomplished. All external factors! To be direct, this is a program from my childhood where I was in survival mode. That same drive enabled me to earn a bachelor’s degree in nursing and a master’s degree in business, all while coming from the inner city and a background where no one else in my family graduated from high school nor was a positive influence. There is obviously some good that has come from that drive, however it has hindered me in the most important aspect my life as an adult which is family.
I know that telling you this isn’t going instantly change your life. It is something you have to experience or internalize for yourself in order to feel the impact. Between the two books I mentioned, I believe you will either remind yourself of something important that you already know or learn something that will help.
If you take the time to invest in yourself and read The Mastery of Love and Year of Yes, please heed my advice. While reading, focus on the internal, on yourself, not other people or other situations that have happened. You’ll be tempted to at times.
The goal of this blog is to help another person. Whether you know me or not please share this article as it could be helpful to someone that you know. Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
A new year, a new journey on the court
Well, yesterday we began our new season (unofficially), beginning our conditioning program. There was a feeling of invigoration as the coaches met in the team room and began to chat about the details of what we should implement this year. Many businesses and sports programs have an idea to execute a strategy because they like it or another company is successful at this strategy. The truth is, it doesn’t matter what strategy we want to implement/ execute if we don’t have the proper personnel to execute it, culminating in sub par results. In order to be successful we need to implement a strategy that suits our players strengths and abilities. Yes, we continue to teach them and yes, they continue to grow and get better. However, if we do not emphasize their strengths we are wasting their abilities.
Last year we had quite the successful season, winning the Regional Championship Tournament and playing in the State Championship Tournament where we lost to a nationally ranked team (Bishop Gorman.) It is easy to become caught up with expectations comparisons. In sports specifically, this is a very common theme. However, in business and in sports approaching new situations with a clean slate yet retaining the lessons from the past to increase focus and draw upon for teaching is crucial to strategically move forward.
Among the many lessons that will be taught and retaught throughout the season are those that transfer to success when applied in society. I take great pleasure in teaching these lessons as I attribute much of my success to being introduced to these lessons early on, in addition to the drive and unwillingness to settle for anything less than what I envision for myself. Ironically enough, much of my personal fulfillment is paying it forward to the youth. From the camaraderie, shenanigans, and bus rides, to the effort, dedication, and the perseverance, I am excited to begin the journey once again.
Finishing Strong
It is the end of the semester in the MBA program. Projects are due, presentations are constructed, and final exams are upon us. In the spirit of the semester winding down, I am taking the liberty to talk about finishing strong in all endeavors. We have been at it for fifteen weeks now and for many, this is their last semester. The word burnout doesn’t do justice to how some are feeling. It is easy to pack it in and even go unnoticed doing so. Only you will know what you did so it’s okay right? Therein lies the problem! You will know that you didn’t give it your best effort in school, at work, on the court, in your relationship… Are you okay with that? I am burning up inside because I didn’t give it my best effort or I gave up and made excuses. That drives me to this very day! Knowing that I have more to give and will always have more to give. To me, knowing that I left something on the table is an unsettling feeling that haunts me.
In the professional setting, not finishing strong can be detrimental to your career. Let’s say that you are “graduating” from one position as a Fortune 500 company calls it and moving on to another company. While deciding to pack it in for the last two weeks of “school” you disable yourself from receiving a possible recommendation in the future. On the other hand, if you decided to finish strong, that glowing recommendation is more likely to share your outstanding effort with others. That is only one way of looking at it. You may also lose respect from colleagues and disqualify yourself from being thought of for a future role if you pack it in. We all make mistakes and we make many of them. Don’t make the mistake of only looking at what is immediately in front of you and not considering the big picture. Your character is at stake here and your ego can put blinders on your head, narrowing your vision! Instead, enjoy the moment while thinking big picture and moving along the path to reach your goals.
A good judge of character is how one responds in the face of adversity. Not in one instance but over the course of time. One instance doesn’t define you, as we all make mistakes. Think about the last time you made a mistake, Do you find yourself giving up or do you find yourself fighting to find resolutions? would your friends or colleagues say you are a certain type of person because of that mistake? Also, did you apologize for the mistake that you made? Now, if you continually react a particular way when adversity shows its head, then there is an inkling that you are a certain type of person. You may not admit it because who wants to admit that they are a liar, rude, judgmental, a cheater… my guess is that not many people will line up to admit that. However, just as mentioned earlier in a different context, it may go unnoticed to others, but you know! And that should be enough to be better than you were yesterday. On that note, I wish I could go back in time and give this advice to my younger self. Have you ever felt that way? Pondering why I feel this way, it is because I really care about this topic and it would be beyond helpful to my younger self. What type of character do you exhibit in the face of adversity? How would you feel if your child or future child in that same manner?
Practice Makes Permanent
“Perfect” is unattainable in regard to most things. As humans, we are inherently imperfect. You may have heard the saying “practice makes perfect” in effort to get more effort from somebody. This simple saying encompasses a mindset for many people that leaves them chasing something that they cannot obtain. The idea behind it is that if one is chasing perfection they are bettering themselves even if they fall short. However, if we set ourselves up for failure by pursuing perfection then what is the point of going after it? Did you go to college not to get your degree? Do you work out not to increase your health?
My high school basketball coach Steve Boyack introduced a saying that has stuck with me and would often say “practice makes permanent.” The power in the underlying message applies to all walks of life. How we practice will determine the quality of the work that we put out over time. How could one expect to consistently do something well that they have not practiced consistently? Our study habits will determine the knowledge we gain, our exercise habits and eating habits will determine our physique, our behavioral habits will determine our relationships, and so on. Unless you learn through osmosis then how do you expect to gain knowledge? We are unlikely to learn everything because we are not perfect, but if we put in more work, we can learn more. We can become better people than we were the day before and grow in many aspects.
In the blog post “Is It You Or Is It Me?” we discuss the “growth mindset” that is required in order to continually get better. Having the belief that you can become smarter, more skilled, more loving, repair what is broken… is a prerequisite in order to do such things. With a fixed mindset, we are currently all that we will ever be in different aspects of life. The limits that we set control how far we can excel and unfortunately we are taught to limit ourselves early on in life. Also required, is a certain amount of patience and understanding. That aspect seems to have become more difficult in a society where we have been conditioned to want and get things immediately. The same technologies that have improved our society in many ways have also hindered our lives in other ways. For example, we are conditioned to be able to find an answer to any question within seconds so when we have an issue that comes up and isn’t resolved quickly, we begin to unnecessarily worry. Ultimately, the awareness and wherewithal of how to utilize our assets in such a manner that is constructive in one aspect of life and simultaneously not limiting in another aspect is our responsibility as a society. Or, if limitation is inevitable, at least have the understanding of the possible affects so that we as a mass are aware of what is happening.
Everything considering, whether you are emphatic about sports, music, art, business, health etcetera, there is a significant difference between practicing and practicing with intent. If I take one thousand shots a day and they aren’t shots that I will be able to take in a game, then I’ve simply learned how to shoot the wrong way. Take the time to study how to do something versus doing something effectively and become a student of the proverbial game. Practice does not make perfect! Practice makes permanent!
Why Do We “Disguise Our Differentness?”
As a kid, being different commonly involves being teased and not fitting in. Take it from me, the left handed, red headed, freckled face boy that couldn’t fit in if his life depended on it. As an adult however, I have been able to spin these attributes to my advantage and proudly exhibit my “differentness” while still not “fitting in.” Fitting in simply leads to mediocrity in many cases, and there is nothing wrong with that at all for most. We are all mediocre at something, but not everyone is great at something. Think about the times when you wanted to fit in. Whether it was at work, school, or with a group of people. The urge to want to be part of something has been instilled from society and demeans individualism to an extent.
The inspiring and in depth TEDx presentation rich in analogies, The Art of Being Yourself by Caroline McHugh reminds us that we each have our “own thing!” It is not easy to follow our “Own thing” and walk the unbeaten path. It is brought up that at certain points in life we learn how to behave in order to fit into societal views. The example she gives is a young child at a certain age suddenly feels self-conscious about not wearing a bathing suit and begins to cover up. Up until a certain point, that child roared freely and could care less what others thought of him/her. Let me be clear, please don’t show up to work in your birthday suit. Now apply that to every situation in which you act and are inhibited because of what you learned from someone else. Was there a time when you wanted to do something but refrained from doing so because you thought of what others would say?
In theory this sounds inspiring and also makes me think about all of the learned behaviors and worries that come up every day. What about the logical side of me that says “I need a job to pay my bills?; I would like to make good money so what type of job will I do?; among many other things” Personally, I can vouch to say that these inhibiting thoughts are paralyzing and leave one to feel like they are standing still. The reality is those thoughts are what we learned from others and society. Who are you not to shine? To shine without letting your ego dominate is the key. Finding an equilibrium allows one to “just be” and have a strong sense of humility & gratitude as mentioned by McHugh.
I will take the liberty to repeat something from the TED Talk and ask you to take a minute to think about this simple question: Who Are You? This exercise is not easy to do but it is beyond helpful if you are honest with yourself. Get a pen and piece of paper and on the top write “Who am I?” First, make a list of 5 things that you like to do most. Next to that, make a list of 5 things you do not like doing. Now the hard part. Number the next ten lines “1-10.” Here you will jot down ten things that you like about yourself remember this is from your perspective, not others. Take some time and be genuine, refraining from superficial attributes such as “I am nice” or “I am caring.” On the next 7 lines, jot down 7 things that you don’t like about yourself without being superficial. For example, I don’t like that I haven’t been proactive in my relationships, learning the hard way instead. More details provide enhanced clarity and better results for you. Now, flip the page over and number 1-7. Now write 7 things that you think other people like about you. Finally, write down 5 things that you think others don’t like about you. After you finish writing, go back to each section and yourself why in each category. Again, these answers may not be easy to tell yourself but you can create deep insight from this exercise. Take into account that we are not perfect. We all have shortcomings!
Career Change, Insightful Growth
As I move closer and closer to finishing my MBA at the University of Nevada Reno, I have wondered more and more how I will transition into a new role. I am quite eager to pursue this new role and pursue my passion. As mentioned before, I currently work as a registered nurse. The foundational skill sets, problem solving skills, and time management/ prioritizing skills that I have obtained in my experiences as a RN have prepared me to confidently approach any work situation with confidence and caution.
The obstacle that I believe I will face however, is to convince management in another industry that my skill set from nursing in addition to the education I have obtained from my MBA will be an asset for them. Since these skills are abstract and can be applied to any industry, I believe that my dilemma is the same thing that strengthens my value. More importantly though, the reason why I am pursuing my MBA is to pursue my passions related to my career goals. As mentioned in a previous blog titled What are you passionate about, The reality of going to work for forty years and not being passionate about what you are doing is downright cheating yourself. So, you might as well do something that you are passionate about, right?
Taking that first step can be daunting because of the unknown, but it can also be fulfilling and inspirational to others around. Being a career learner keeps me engaged and wanting to know more about various things. As an entrepreneur and coach, this attribute along with a growth mindset, pays dividends in becoming inspired and coming up with new ideas. It also leaves an unquenched thirst to achieve more which can be a negative at times. In my younger years, the competitiveness led me to be unsatisfied with what I had because I would be searching for more. I wasn’t living in the moment or enjoying the great relationships and achievements I was lucky to be part of. Lesson learned!
As I look ahead and think about the hard work that I have put in, there is a sense of growth that I achieved, becoming a more calm and aware person with a different outlook on life. I don’t look ahead worried about being successful and gaining wealth, I look ahead to share the experiences and cherish the moments that I am in while being grateful for being able to do what I am passionate about with the people that I cherish. Thank you for taking the time to read this post, as it is a topic that is close to my heart. Please do a solid and post something that you are grateful for.
Flatten & Empower
This past weekend in class we had Mark Babbitt visit us as a guest. The focus of his book A World Gone Social is becoming “Social,” how it can improve your organization, and the implications it has on our society in the professional realm. The two most impactful concepts in the book I think, he brought up quite early and expanded on how these two things (flatten and empower) are key components to flourishing organizations. One other addition that is intertwined is being genuine and helpful. An emphasis was hiring not based on skills and ability, but someone’s ability to contribute value to the culture. Historically, women have been more adept at hiring based on cultural fit rather than simply based on skills. The majority of CEO’s at this point are elder Caucasian men who “went to business school to learn to be autocratic and authoritative” as it was put.
The times have shifted far from the traditional MBA student and have become more progressive in order to continually thrive in today’s society. Absorbing many different perspectives and increasing the level of diversity within the organization has broadened the perspective of suppliers, enabling them to reach a wider consumer base. As the empowering of employees within a culture has increased, so has growth efforts in all aspects of business. Allowing for more creativity, autonomy, trust, and less of a hierarchical system increases accountability as well as the feeling of accomplishment and creativity. Flattening the hierarchy of your organization and taking the autocratic culture away from the organization can only be done to a certain extent, but the flatter the better. Take the company you work at for example. Can you think of any separate entities within the business that would greatly benefit by working together? Or a person that you report to that would have a better picture of what is going on if he or she was intertwined more? A team-like cohesiveness ensues when the layers of managers are minimized and the employees feel empowered to make decisions while having a good professional relationship with those that they do answer to.
On the court, players that buy in to the direction or style of play that we want to emphasize are likely to feel more empowered to ad lib because they have the sense of what is trying to be accomplished in the big picture. Execution won’t be perfect nor is it expected to be, but it will be effective and infectious to other teammates who have a similar mindset. When the coaches and management are on the same page, there is no disconnect with the players and the flow of the team is free flowing. Ultimately, this leads to long lasting success i.e. the San Antonio Spurs.
Another pivotal yet simple reminder to maintain a healthy work environment while pursuing a more flat hierarchy is to keep the environment fun. This sounds like a simple concept however, I have tried to think of ways to bring “fun” into the environment that I work in (as a registered nurse) and am completely unable to come up with anything. What would you suggest in order to add “fun” as described in the hyperlink in a nursing setting?
What are you passionate about?
What is scarier to you? Working at the same job for 30-40 years, taking home a stable paycheck, and being comfortable with your job security, or starting over? The only way I would work doing the same thing for 30-40 years is if it was something that involves building new things. Otherwise I feel as if I would be in a state of mental chaos. There are parts of me that are frightened about starting over but that is a natural human emotion. Starting over and being born again with your career can be exhilarating if you are pursuing something that you are passionate about and being true to yourself. It will also be more taxing than putting in your 40 hours and going home.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of jobs that people will do that they are not passionate about. For some, those jobs are stepping stools, and others do not pursue a career that they are passionate about. Everyone’s circumstances are different, but I am a glaring example that if you want to make something out of yourself, you have every opportunity in America. Take a kid with no guidance as a youth, a scarce amount of parenting, and no support from family. My mother and sister are addicts and my father died from his addictions. Yet, I went to college and am currently working on my Master’s Degree. To many, I have made something out of myself. However in my mind, I haven’t done anything just yet. Yes, I have a stable nursing career that I could stay in and have work for as long as I want. Does that make me successful? Not in my book. Now that I am pursuing my passions and being true to myself, I am experiencing greater fulfillment and feel like I am living. Now that is success in my mind! I understand that failure is inevitable in regard to pursuing entrepreneurial endeavors but that will not stop me from learning and creating successes from them.
I am not saying to hand in your resignation tomorrow and begin to pursue your passions. This has been a painful and long process that has cost many things that are dear to me, mainly because of my ignorance! I have been putting in 15-19 hour days for the past year and a half and have broken down more times than I can remember. I have caused pain to the most important people in my life and have learned major life lessons along the way. Keep in mind that the relationships in your life are much more important than any job or career. Cherish those first and foremost! It will require much more work than you think you are capable of at times but you can do much more than what you think you can when you are faced with the option to remain in a state of entropy or become reborn again. Create a plan that has a detailed beginning and a detailed end. The middle will consist of many detours and will challenge your determination so if you spend time planning it all out, you are likely to face more discouragement when things don’t go as planned. Most importantly, as you pursue your passions, take a step out of yourself and soak up the moment. You are being bold and deserve to appreciate what you are doing. Ask yourself, what am I passionate about?
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